In his classic book Influence, Robert Cialdini describes the power of consistency in affecting human behavior: Just after placing a bet, [people] are much more confident of their horse’s chances of winning than they are immediately before laying down that bet. Of course, nothing about the horse’s chances actually shifts; it’s the same horse, on the same … Read more
Most important is the ability to suspend your assumptions. When you enter into another culture that is not familiar to you, or when speaking with someone who comes from a different background, they probably do not share many of your assumptions about the world. Everything is potentially on the table: from huge philosophical issues like gender … Read more
I’m sitting in a Starbucks here in New York and I just overheard a woman ask the staff for a certain packet of coffee beans. One staff member replied “We don’t sell that here, you can go to the Astor place store [literally around the corner from this one]“ The woman said “Eh, I’m too lazy, … Read more
Steve Jobs’ Public Speaking Style Steve Jobs’ superior skill with presenting and public speaking was a key factor in his success. There were many bright and talented people in the computer field in the 1970s and 80s. But few had the presence, confidence and verbal ability of Steve Jobs. In this video, just 4 years after … Read more
There are three main skill levels in public speaking, identified by our inner dialogue: At the beginner level, we think “how do I look?” This is the most basic mindset, where we are most concerned with how we look to the audience and whether they are judging us or accepting us. Most people don’t get past this … Read more
Imagine if Ghandi had said “Eh, I don’t want to talk about my ideas with too many people. I’m shy.” How different would history look? How different would the world be if everyone who had a profound talent or an amazing strength, instead of sharing it with others, decided to hide it out of “shyness.” … Read more
Persuasion is a tool that almost anyone can learn to use. But just like all tools, what matters is the person using it, their intentions and ethics. I told someone recently that I help people to become more persuasive and effective at communicating. He responded flatly “I don’t like to be persuasive. I like to … Read more
Have you ever felt your heart beating faster right before giving a speech or presentation? It’s common, especially when there is a lot of anticipation and buildup. For example, when you are scheduled to speak at 10:15 AM and there is a roster of speakers before you at 9:30, 9:45, 10:00… This buildup is what kills us. … Read more
I just hosted another successful networking event tonight here in NYC with some amazing partners and collaborators. One thing I have noticed is that in networking situations, human beings tend to ask the exact same questions over and over. While this makes things somewhat boring and predictable, it’s understandable. People are often uncertain how to engage … Read more
People that struggle with various challenges in their lives–relationships, fitness, careers, social skills, money management, dating–often exhibit the same pattern of effort and failure. Our efforts to break out of a rut and create a new pattern are foiled by our own mistakes. Once you start looking, you can see this cycle everywhere: Stage 1: Over time, … Read more