The fear of public speaking is one of the most common challenges we see with clients and students. The lack of preparation is one of the biggest reasons why we struggle or fail in our presentations. It’s a relatively simple problem to fix. Just take 10 or 30 minutes to practice at some point before actually … Read more
Overthinking, excessive planning, and hesitation are all related. They all involve taking ourselves out of the moment and into our worries and anxieties. This internal mental and emotional conflict undercuts your communication effectiveness. Communication, whether one-to-one or one-to-thousands, is fundamentally a form of connection with someone. When you get lost in your insecurities and worries about “am I … Read more
I’ve been trying out this old technique for rapport building called “mirroring.” This is where you adjust your body language and movement to be similar to the other person’s in a conversation. If they cross their arms, you cross your arms. If they lean to one side, you do as well. You don’t do it right … Read more
The Mere Exposure Effect is a pattern in human psychology where people develop preferences for things simply because they have been exposed over and over. Familiarity breeds preference. This is related to our tribal nature. Trust, familiarity, rapport, authority–these are all tied together. The more you are exposed to something or someone, the more comfortable you become with … Read more
Companies spend a lot of money on training. They often fail to get any lasting results from it. As someone who has been involved in coaching and skills training for years now (both as a student and a coach), I know what works and what doesn’t. There are two major things that are needed for any … Read more
I’ve written about concision before. This topic came up again recently at a talk that I was giving in NYC. One of the attendees found it difficult to keep her networking conversations concise. This happens to a lot of us. When talking to someone new, through a combination of wanting to be polite and just … Read more
When I was helping clients with dating and social skills, I came across this issue all the time. Both men and women say they want one thing in a partner or relationship, but their behavior indicates a completely different desire altogether. People who scream all they want is a nice, dependable partner, nevertheless get involved with bad boys … Read more
One of the key qualities of dry, boring communicators: no passion! When someone seems to lack passion and excitement for their topic, we get bored very quickly. Why should we be interested in the topic if they aren’t? With more passion in your communication, you are more convincing, more engaging, and just more fun. Some simple questions to … Read more
Have you ever found yourself being a blabbermouth? You just talk and talk, going off on tangents and unrelated anecdotes. You try to convey an idea, describe a product, or make an argument, but you end up getting lost in a word salad of your own making. And you can tell your counterpart is bored … Read more
Reframing happens when you create a new context, or a new “frame” for a discussion. It’s one of the most powerful and effective ways of communicating. Reframing is especially critical when you are trying to compete for attention or acceptance. By reframing the entire conversation, or the way your counterpart thinks about the issue, you shift … Read more