This is Probably the Easiest Way to be Fascinating
Talk about what people want to talk about.
One of the most common mistakes that people make is they don’t listen when others speak.
But listening is such a powerful tool, and it’s extremely easy to do. If more people listened to each other, genuinely, there would be less conflict and more productivity in the world.
At any rate, listening is the foundation for the next step in becoming fascinating: talking about what they want to talk about.
If you are listening to someone in conversation, they will demonstrate to you what they like talking about.
They will do this by spending lots of time talking about certain things. They will ignore or gloss over certain topics. They will pick one topic out of several you have mentioned and expand on that one thing.
Some topics will be welcomed with lots of banter and chattiness, and others will be met with a blank stare, or an uncomfortable silence punctuated with “Yeah… cool…” You want to ignore those and change topics immediately.
By throwing out several topics and seeing which of them sticks and produces lots of talking on their part, you will easily pickup on their preferences.
This process doesn’t have to take long.
You can start learning what they like to talk about within the first few moments of meeting them–if you are listening.
Once you have a sense of that, simply talk more about that topic. Go deeper into it, relate personal stories or experiences. Share some information about it that a friend told you, or an article that you read recently.
What if you are completely uneducated on that topic?
Talk about it anyway. In this post I mentioned the strategy of “agree and confirm.” This is where you simply agree with what they just said and “confirm” by either asking a follow up question or restating it in your own words.
Asking questions to learn more is a good strategy too. It shows interest in what is important to them, and it shows you’re listening to them.
Finally, always remember to talk about what they like in positive terms.
Even if you are ignorant about it, you can always be enthusiastic and curious to learn more.
Be generous with praise, compliments, and general positivity.
As long as you are complimenting from a place of confidence and genuine appreciation (not trying to “get” something from them), you will become more attractive and approachable.
The more people like talking to you and hanging around you, the more fascinating you become.